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HOW MOTHERS AND SONS
BUILD STRONG BONDS
By Deborah Beasley, ACPI CCPF
Motherhood is comparable to few other life experiences. The bond between mother and son is recognized as powerful and unique. But, is the relationship automatically insured? What secrets do moms hold to nurturing special connections with sons?
I recently asked three area moms to share their collective and generational wisdom for creating strong and lasting bonds with their sons. Their conclusion is unanimous. Got Love?
What is your secret to creating strong and lasting bonds with your son?
“Respect”, says Doris Innamorato , 82, of Ridley Park, Pennsylvania. “I always treated him with respect.” “I guided him, but never judged him.” She says about her relationship with son, Tom, 59, of Kissimmee, Florida.
“For me, it is prayer,” answers Kelly Moore, busy mom of Miles, 22 months old. “When I went back to school I felt so disconnected from my son,” explains the clinical psychology grad student from Delanco, New Jersey. “My energy level fell and in came negative thoughts. I use prayer to stay calm, remember I don’t need to be perfect, and know I can always rely on my support systems for help. This is what helps me be the best mom for Miles. Our bond is very strong.”
“Creating a strong bond with my son is very important to me for many reasons,” reveals Sue of Gloucester County. “With special needs, and because he is mine through adoption, our relationship grows and strengthens a little differently, perhaps, than with other moms. The keys to a strong bond with my son are understanding, patience, and especially trust.
How do you measure the mother/son connection?
“Love”, relates Doris. “It’s all about love. Over the years my relationship with Tom has changed and grown. When he was small I was there for him in every way. I supported him in all he did. Now he is there to help me whenever I need him. We always say ‘I love you’ whenever we talk. That is so important.”
Kelly measures their bond by Miles’ behavior. “The way he wants to be physically close, lets me know we have a connection in which he feels safe.”
“My son has been the one to help me bond with him,” explains Sue, mother of 11 year old, Montana. “He cannot always express how he feels. I have learned to be more attentive to him, read his body language, and understand how he needs me to love him.”
What advice would you share with other moms who desire a strong relationship with their sons?
Doris’s advice for today’s mom is clear. “Relationships are made strong when the parent is positive.” “Treat your sons in loving ways, with the respect they deserve at every age, and they will reward you with strong devotion.”
“It is important for special moms to remember our kids want and need our loving attention,” says Sue. “They sometimes do not know how best to communicate that need. It is our responsibility to teach them. We must trust they will be able to communicate love in their own way and in their own time.”
Kelly offered heartfelt reminders. “Avoid becoming complacent or bored with being a mom. I am fascinated every day by new discoveries Miles makes, how he grows, and all he learns. These wonders do not disappear as our sons grow and mature. Notice the things which make your son special. Fall in love with him all over again every day.”
The experience of motherhood renews and redefines itself in the bonds formed between mother and child. When we first recognize those bonds will be unique to each of us. Honoring them for each child, son or daughter, with time, intuition, guidance, and love will keep our mother-child relationships healthy and strong. Have you got love?
© 2010 By Deborah Beasley, ACPI CCPF
Deborah Beasley is a Certified Parenting Coach, presenter, author, and adoptive parent. Deborah is the author of From Foster Care to Adoption – Navigating the Emotional Journey, a Parent’s Guide to State Adoption. She specializes in working with families with adoptive, special needs, and behavioral concerns. Deborah is the founder of Together At Last Family Support in Southern New Jersey which empowers parents through phone and in-person coaching services, educational courses, and peer support.
For more information about classes and services contact Deborah on the web at: www.TogetherAtLastFamily.com
Join her Blog at: www.HowDoesYourChildGrow.wordpress.com
By phone at: 609-970-1100